You Are My Reason
by SupernaturallyAttracted
Summary: Barney and Robin, Robin and Barney. A pair of best friends, a pair of lovers, a pair of soul mates. These are snapshots of their shared life as a married couple. Heavy Swarkles fluff romance love
1. No Reason

**No Reason**

_by ~MakeItSwarkle_

* * *

**A/N:** _I've got no excuses and I don't even feel bad about not finishing that first chapter of this new plot idea I had for this lovely pairing called 'Swarkles'. Instead I'll just upload a bunch of one-shots and drabbles about married life of my favourite BROTP. I honestly hope you enjoy._

* * *

Robin's day had started normal enough: getting up just five minutes before her alarm clock. She made her way into the kitchen, grabbed a coffee that was nicely enough left by Barney who was already at work. After her beloved cup of coffee, she made her way over to the TV, turning it on. Instead of watching the news, she just changed channels and ended up watching an old episode of 'Friends'. While it wasn't her favourite series, it was most certainly fun to watch. Her favourite character by far was Phoebe – though, admittedly, Rachel wasn't too bad either.

Anyway, Robin glances at the kitchen clock, only to find that it was time to take a quick shower and get dressed. Then, she'd make her way out, and get her backside to work. Just like every day. It was a routine, almost.

Of course, you can't expect a Robin Stinson day to be normal. Because Robin Stinson herself wasn't normal. And while Robin eventually hoped for her days to turn out good and nice and easy, it almost never did. If it wasn't her bus being late, it was her co-moderator being difficult. If it wasn't any of these, it was Patrice being, _well_, Patrice. And if it was none of that, it was Ted calling with his girl-problems ("Robin, do you think she'd want a silver or a golden engagement ring?" – "Ted, I honestly don't think she even cares." – "Silver would go great with her hair, but golden good with her eyes, and this is really vital to – Robin? Are you still there? _Robin_? Huh, the line seems to be dead all of a sudden...") which would stress her out, too.

Some days were rather perfect though. Like, scarily, inhumanly perfect. These were the days that creep and stressed Robin the most. Because there is no such thing as a perfect day, therefore she's waiting for the worst things to happen. One time, it was the text message of her second boyfriend, breaking up with her. Another time, it happened to be a call: Barney had had an horrible accident.

So, all of these things summed up made Robin think that this current day wouldn't get any worse.

First, she missed her bus; in other words: she wasn't at work in time. Then, she had to barge into an already talking co-moderator, who would leave no minute of the news without mentioning how Robin failed to be on time. Her boss was yelling horribly at her, making the majority of co-workers smile a little in triumph – there was no better feeling than knowing that your boss didn't hate you the most. Anyway, one person felt really, really bad about Robin's situation. _Patrice._

Now, don't get Robin wrong. She owed a lot to Patrice, since she played a big role in getting Barney and Robin together. Robin didn't hate Patrice, no. Patrice wasn't her 'pit person' any more. But that didn't mean that she wasn't as _frustrating_ as before. Being all nice and stuff – it made her a bit nervous, because Robin herself rejected all these nice gestures, yet the woman just wouldn't stop being _nice. _When – if – Robin herself was acting so very, very nice, it usually meant that she had some tricky plan.

But of course, that was Robin and not Patrice. Patrice was nice because she _enjoyed_ it. In any case, it annoyed her. More than it probably should. But hey, _that _was Robin: hating when others were ridiculously while she herself wasn't. It just one of those quirks about humanity: the happier the people around you, the unhappier you feel yourself.

When Robin found her way to **McLaren's**, she felt a little happier, as if something good might happen any second. But it didn't. First, there was Marshall's call. Something was wrong with Marvin, and of course, the young parents were so worried that they visited a doctor almost immediately. They excused themselves and told her that she could always come over instead. But honestly, Robin wasn't a kid's person, and she could hear Marvin's pathetic whines through the telephone. She didn't need that at all.

Not today, not ever.

Then there was Ted. 'Totally forgot that today's going to be the big day, Robin. I'm so _so_ sorry!'

Robin did understand that a proposal was important and she wished him the best of luck. But honestly, why _today_?

With a dissatisfied huff, she got up and shook her head, grabbing her coat and walking out. No good, that blasted day. She'd text Barney to meet in their apartment. She really didn't think the pub was a good place to be alone at right now. Too much alcohol in a too close range. While the Canadian could hold her liquid, she didn't feel like a dare-devil this particular evening. No need to press one's luck, after all.

Internally, she was already done with the day. Whatever was to come was to, you know, bound to happen and she didn't feel like getting worked up on something again and again that just was unalterable.

That's what she felt about Barney's and her relationship too, now that she could look back on it as a married woman. She used to get worked up, used to let herself get dragged down into depression, only to find herself the happiest woman just one second after. Robin, the most unromantic and jaded person ever, was positive that her husband was meant for her. That they were meant to be.

And she wasn't one to say that lightly. She wasn't a woman who came home and embraced her _husband_ lovingly, or who took a week of vacation just to fly across the globe and spend a romantically awesome week in Argentina. But now, now she was.

_And she hated that she loved him for it._

Every time she entered their shared apartment, she was reminded of how much she needed him, how used she had got to his presence. Robin has never been too emotional, never really thought she'd come home to fall into someone's arms. Yet here she was, opening her apartment door, just wanting to go to sleep and forget about the day when she spotted him, sitting on the couch, a popcorn bowl on his lap. He was in one of those ridiculous(ly awesome) suit pyjamas, looking at peace with himself and the world while watching intensively as Yoda mumbled in his wonderful grammatical structures. The second she closed the door, she figured he'd spot her, turn off the TV and then ask her why she wanted to meet directly in the apartment. But he didn't even lift his eyes and Robin was a bit confused. She decided to ignore it, leaving for the bathroom. After a quick shower and putting on her pyjama, she wanted nothing more than to go to bed. But Barney would have none of it. As she entered the living room to say good night, he motioned for her to sit next to him. She did, once again not sure what he wanted. However, he enlightened her.

"What's wrong, Stinson? Shit day at work?" He offered her some popcorn, ignoring her confusion. "I figured since you usually only avoid drinking when you're very very worried."

Wait, how did he –? And where did that unnecessary concern come from? Robin was no person who needed protection. (If there was a real man in this relationship it was Robin, okay.) So where did that warm feeling come from that filled her chest?

She quite liked the feeling. But she didn't want to have him all concerned. The poor guy had enough stress, surely, without worrying about her.

"No need to worry, really." She replied, her lie rather obvious. The day had been really really horrible for her. And he figured that out, too.

"I … see," He simply said, not convinced at all. "But if you want to talk, I'm here."

"I know." She replied, relaxing on the couch now, cuddling a little and grabbing some popcorn.

It were moments like these, when she looked just at him, trailing his features with her eyes when she knew he wasn't trying to be someone at all; but when he was just _Barney_. Her Barney. These seconds when he was himself because he trusted her not to judge his true self, when he allowed her to see through the mask of indifference and feigned carelessness. These seconds when she fell in love all over again. These seconds when she just smiled for no reason at all but his mere presence.

'It's a pity that I am not the kind of girl who tells openly how much she is in love,' Robin thought for a moment, stunned at her next realisation but knowing just as soon that it was the simple truth. 'Because he honestly does deserve to hear it. A lot.'

' I would like you to know, that, Barney,' She sighed a content little smile in his arms, not bothering to hide her silly little smile. 'Before I met you I never knew what it was like; to look at someone and smile for no reason.'


	2. Bad Dreams

**Bad Dreams**  
_by_ ~MakeItSwarkle

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**A/N:** _Like usual, thanks for correcting Lilli._

_Anyways, **HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISSES STINSON :D**_

_Yeah, you heard right, today's Robin's birthday, so I figured I might as well upload something. No warning, except maybe that it's Robin-centric, and Barney might be OOC at the very end (though Lilli says that becoming more mature just happens after so many years of being married...)_

_Also, if you guys have **prompts** for this collection because you'd like to see them in a special situation as the married couple they are, leave me a review or PM me :D_

_Enjoy._

* * *

A calendar marked the 23rd of July, a day like any other day. Except for Robin. For her, this day was important. The 23rd of July was the day when mummy and daddy never fight even a bit, because they wanted to celebrate Robin's birthday with her. And she liked that, liked the cake and the presents and the attention. She liked to feel loved, even if just once a year.

But this time was different, Robin sensed it, felt her skin itching with presentiment. Even at the young age of eleven – wait, actually twelve as of today – Robin's got this ability to just feel when things are off. That's what enabled her to get away from the house just minutes before her parents would hurl abuse at each other, would begin to put in words just how wrong they had been to ever marry. Or even meet.

The young girl could deal with it, really. Human minds get used to unpicturesque things quite swiftly and then, right after the compulsory sting of guilt, the human mind tends to make up lies in order to have a less horrifying situation, to create a situation that the human being could endure.

Robin's mind created just that one lie, a lie she had been holding onto until the very end, until they ripped her last hopes apart as if it was as thin as paper – which, admittedly it was. They shattered the one guarding lie, _But at least my parents love me, after all,_ on many occasions.

If asked, she'd always say that the process of having her heart torn apart by her parents took around six years, and it included all birthdays that came with these years. _The birthday were the worst, _Robin would nod, _because god, I used to love my birthday; and then, suddenly, they took that one day of joy, too. _

And it had all started with just this certain birthday, this year where she turned twelve. She thought they'd be like every year, but they weren't. Not at all.

After she managed to lock this bad feeling away, Robin proceeded to get dressed before seeking out the living room as soon as she possibly could. She felt elated, wondering what cake she would get this year, what kind of presents she might receive.

Upon finding her parents, she hugged both of them as they wished her happy birthday. With ever minute passing, however, the young Canadian felt more and more on edge. There was that feeling that something was off, that something was just not right, and the tension was horrible. The air was so unbelievingly thick, Robin thought for a second that she couldn't breathe, though she knew that from a logical point of view that this was her imagination. As she slowly put down her fork, so did her parents.

Both of them uncomfortably met their daughter's demanding eyes. She knew, didn't she? So young and just too smart for her own good. Kids should be happy beings, living in an ignorant state of bliss before growing up. But Robin was different, always had caught onto things quickly. Her mum knew this (it was one of the reasons she didn't like to be around her daughter any more than she had to...) and she swallowed, hard. They had to tell her, and it wouldn't be nice.

"Robin... Oh, god, we didn't want to tell you _today, _out of all days. But you already know, don't you? Your dad and I.. we've been talking about our relationship and, well, it just doesn't work out any more. We've grown apart, and we don't want you or your sister to grow up like this."

It sounded so reasonable, so thoughtful of them, but that didn't mean that they really cared, Robin knew. They both were too in love with themselves to put their children first. This was for their best, not for their children's. But all she could do was accept it, of course.

* * *

A year later, Robin turned thirteen. She was horrified that her mum and her sister might come over for that particular day, and wasn't sure whether to be disappointed or not as she called and she said something important came up, that she'd come a few days later. That, of course, left her with her father, who was not all that great with organising things. No cake, no fun, and only one present.

He handed her the hockey stick with a proud little smile, saying she would surely do her best to make him the happiest dad ever.

Robin actually liked this idea, liked it a lot. She wanted daddy to be proud so, so badly. But then he spoiled it all with his last sentence concerning that gift.

"You know, Robin Charles, you might just make me proud like this, finally engaging in what every Canadian man should engage."

The next week, she found out that he had assigned her for the boys' team.

* * *

When she turned fourteen, hell broke loose at home. Even though she should have known he would come, she was as surprised as ever to find her boyfriend in front of her that day. She stared at him bewildered for a moment before she smiled a careful smile. Now, she couldn't just shoo him away, could she? He came all the way here, probably walked, only to wish her a happy birthday. She didn't see just why she should tell him off, then. She let him in, though she knew that her father wouldn't like this.

Robin had expected the worst, and yet her father didn't disappoint. He proved that he could be more cruel of a man than she had first thought.

All in all, the day resulted in her boyfriend breaking up, her father yelling incoherent strings of insults in her direction and Robin herself curling up in her bed the whole night, crying – not because her relationship was over but because she knew she had failed her father.

"Robin, real men don't do other men. Don't you ever do that again."

Her father was the most intolerant man she knew. Not just did he refuse to see who she really was, but he also refused to pretend that at least she'd have more fun living as a guy. Because that's what Robin used to tell herself, that it's her fault for not being male. Finally, she figured that she'd be as unhappy, because she could never be that judgemental person that her father seemed to see as 'real man'.

* * *

The last straw followed on her fifteenth birthday. Everything went considerably well, that was until Robin's father brought over some neighbour's child. She didn't know the girl, because Robin didn't spend much of her time with girls anyway. To say the other girl looked confused was an understatement. She also had no clue what was going on, which Robin found somewhat soothing. Her father left and Robin and the girl conversed, getting along just great. Inwardly, Robin was just happy that her father seemingly accepted her to be a girl and wanted her to have female friends.

As if.

When all the guests were gone, Robin's father asked her about the other, whether she could imagine something more to blossom. Robin stared at him perplexed, before she frowned. "Dad, I am not into girls. I've never been. I have a boyfriend right now, to be blunt."

There, she said it. She regretted it almost one second later, when her father's face turned red with fury. "What did I tell you about liking other men, Robin? How could you do this to me, your father? I have you know that I officially have no son, not any more."

That got the message across, she thought, as he left the room.

" I am a freaking girl, is that so damn hard to see?!" Robin yelled after him. She felt like crying, but she didn't. She'd never cry because of this man, ever again. She was proud to say that she was done with that.

* * *

When Robin turned sixteen, she had long given up on hockey, her dad and happy birthdays. While her mum really really tried to prepare everything like she used to when Robin was smaller, she felt so oddly out of place.

She was destined to do something else, she thought, something that wasn't lazing at her mum's house without purpose.

After leaving her dad's house, she had broken off the contact with everyone, excluding that one nice girl she had met. Robin still heard her friend's voice in the back of her head, the ideas she gave her lingering. _Just think about it, Robin. You and me, teen stars!_

Robin asked her mum whether she could imagine Robin as a teen idol. Her mother laughed without a second thought.

"Don't be ridiculous, dear. You aren't that good at singing, or acting, or dancing."

And that just hurt a little more than Robin cared to admit.

* * *

As her seventeenth birthday approached, things happened so fast. Two weeks after turning sixteen, she took Jessica up on her offer, they started to partake in the series _Space Teens. _It was a months after that when she first sang 'Let's Go to the Mall', and became so popular that her mum actually apologized for trying to talk her out of it.

But the Canadian teen felt that the end was drawing closer as she produced 'Sandcastles in the Sand'. And so it did. Her career lasted not half a year, really, and she was glad. This wasn't what she was supposed to do, either.

But it still hurt to hear her mother openly say that, to her father out of all people. Her whole mood (already bad because it was that cursed day of the year again) worsened even more, and she wondered why none of her parents could show a bit love and be freaking proud of her for a second. That's all she wanted, seriously. They didn't even have to love her, they just should start to be at least a little proud that she was their daughter.

But Robin knew the chances were too slim for that to ever happen, so she left home to go on a last Sparkles tour that she claimed was there to please all the fans that stayed with her nonetheless. But in truth, she hated her Sparkles persona, felt like it was a desperate move to have her parents acknowledge her. It didn't work.

All she wanted, really, was to get away from her parents.

* * *

Robin woke with a startled jolt and a gasp for air.

This wasn't the first time she had to dream about her past that way, it always happened a day or two before her birthday. But never did it seem so real, never had she had a dream featuring every little thing she despised about her childhood.

She shifted uncomfortably, trying to get a hold of her beating heart and her erratic breath. At this rate, she wasn't going to sleep any time soon, she never managed to sleep after these nightmares. So, instead of even trying, she lifted herself up and quietly left the bed room.

Even though she was ever so careful to be inaudible, she had the feeling that she might have woken Barney up, but as she waited a few seconds, his breathing remained calm and normal and she finally closed the door behind herself silently.

With a sigh, she fixed herself a scotch and sat down on the couch, sighing miserably. She glanced at the clock before shacking her head slowly. "Well then, happy birthday to me, I'd say."

"Yeah, happy birthday to you. Don't you think you should be a little more enthusiastic? Your birthday is but once a year," Came the remark, and he sat down next to her. "Also, don't become a ninja. You're as silent as a freaking elephant, seriously."

She playfully shoved her elbow into his side. "Nice move, calling your wife an elephant."

Barney shrugged with a playful little smirk, "Well, you don't look like one at all, if that soothes you."

The Canadian snorted in mock anger, "As if I'd need you to tell me that, I know that I'm sex on two legs."

"Uh-huh, that's what usually applies to people that have the surname Stinson. It's foreign-language for 'sex on two legs', y'know."

"Right, sure, I don't believe you there," She chuckled, before growing a little serious. "But sorry for waking you up, that wasn't my intention at all."

The blond nodded, caressing her right shoulder as he draped his arm over her shoulder. "No sweat, really. What's wrong, though? Had a bad dream?"

She always had these bad dreams around this time of the year, long years of observation taught him that. He felt his observation confirmed when she nodded.

"Same as usual," She stated, frowning. "Only a little worse. Just go to sleep again, I'll join you in a few."

"Nah, you won't. You never go back to sleep after nightmares, but it's alright," Barney said, with a small smile. "It's your birthday, we might as well start celebrating a little early, don't you agree?"

Robin was about to disagree, but Barney insisted. "This day is all about you, Misses Sex-on-Two-Legs. What kind of husband and best friend would I be if I left you alone, huh? Not a good one, obviously."

She smiled softly as Barney claimed he needed to fetch her present from his bedroom drawer. The birthday, really, it was a pretence. He always refused to go to sleep again after she had a nightmare. He claimed that sometimes, reality can be better than what a person dreams of, especially when it concerns nightmares.

A fond little smile played around Barney's lips, also. As he fetched her present he was just really glad that she wasn't able to read his mind. Because Barney didn't just stay with her because he wanted her to feel better. He actually liked this, to stay awake and just talk and cuddle and god, didn't that sound out of character? In all honesty, he'd rather shoot himself than tell her, or anyone for that matter.

Because, seriously, how much weirder than 'I love to watch her face when she goes to sleep' could you get? And how much cheesier than 'My mind can't comprehend her beauty, can't paint her picture like she deserves it, so I just like to give myself five minutes to look at her' could a sentence be?

Barney chuckled. If his wife knew what she was doing to him? Probably not, the little minx didn't even need to want to make an impact on him. She did it by chance. But he liked that about her, about their relationship in general. He liked staying awake late with her, sloppily making out, talking about this and that, just holding her in that somewhat possessive way. He liked what this marriage was doing to him. Even though, of course, he still kept most thoughts about love to himself because, _god,_ when did he become just as cheesy as Ted? He was spending too much time with Marshall and Ted, seriously.

Yet, as he re-entered the living room, he couldn't help but grin. There was but one thought in his head as he saw her sitting there, waiting for him, wanting to be with him.

"_You know you're in love when you don't want to sleep, because reality has finally become better than your dreams."_


End file.
